Neuro

tomorrow is a day i'm not ready for.

i am sitting on the couch...

nick is emptying the dishwasher...

great hubby!

i should be getting ready for our app at children's hospital tomrw.

i need to get josh & his stuff ready for aunty amanda & school.

i need to pack the diaper bag for carter & mason.

i need to check my emotions...

i need to decide how to beg the doc to do something...

anything.

figure out what the future holds for my son.

i need the docs to work together...

i need this neuro to see no one else knows what to do.

he is the missing link.

i know we have asked all of you x1000 to pray for us & mason...

but i can't even stress how important it is to have this doc on our side.

to have this doc to work with other docs...

to figure this thing out.

Dr. B you are the doc...

i am believing through Christ that you are the doc...

i am declaring you are the doc.

so please pray.

tomorrow is going to be a really hard day...

i am not looking forward to it.

prayer is powerful...

our destiny is here & now.

thanks martin!

immobilized...

lack of wanting.

i am sitting in the kids play room...

its a disaster.

actually my whole house is disastrous.disgusting.demanding.

and the worst part?

i am immobilized.

i have been driven & driven.

i am tired & feel like i need a break...

from everyone & everyday life.

i need to sleep & sleep.

i am completely exasperated.

i am emotionally cold & yet not.

this house being such a disaster is driving me insane...

for those who don't know i am a perfectionist to the extreme...

bordering on being OCD.

if i can't do something how i feel it should be done it is incredibly hard for me to do.

so when moving & everything is loosing its place my house falls apart & literally it makes my stomach sick.

i feel emotionally strained & immoblized.

i want everything done.

here is where my kids come in the mix.

i love when they throw their food all over the place.

when they pull everything back out behind me as i desperately try to clean up.

when they cry & just want to be held all day, everyday.

when the tube comes undone whilst sleeping & the crib & the carpets need to be cleaned.

when there is pooh spread upon the bathroom floor.

when there are more dents in the walls we have to fix before we move.

when i can get nothing done.

when they fight.bite.scream.

see i can be emotional.

i just need to be left alone for 2 days.

i will work my heart out...

my house will be packed & clean.

i will be refreshed & ready to take on life again.

i will pick myself up...

at some point.

i just don't really want to.

we are moving.

we have found a place...

there is a lot of work to be done to make it great.

it will take time...but one day it will look & feel like home.

i will soon let you know the dates for painting & cleaning...

and of course moving.

i know everyone is dying to help us move again!

mason.

we have added "vega" a completely natural powder to his formula...

so far he is doing really well with it.

the hope is that with the extra calories he can continue to gain, gain, & gain some more!

mason weighed 26.2 pounds this morning...

this means he is in the 25% for his age!!!!

mason has come up from not even being on the growth charts to being a healthy weight in the last 5 months!

people this is HUGE!

it has been a very long time & a lot of hard work for all of us...

but we are finally going up!

thank you so much for your support.

prayers that he can stay healthy & keep his weight up are fantastic!

bootcamp.

i have started.

it feels really good to finally do something to take care of myself.

a huge thank you to all who are helping making it happen...

i will be healthy & in shape sooner than later now!

i am looking forward to more energy & feeling good about myself.

bootcamp is kicking my butt...

but i am kicking back!

it's my birthday & i'll cry if i want too.

tweet tweet.

i am stressed.

stressed about moving.

we have kinda found a house...

but it needs a tun of work.

i don't know if the rental company we are dealing with is really even talking with the owner.

i wish we could wake up tomorrow and there would be a house to rent.

a perfect home, that even though it's not ours...we could make it ours.

i went to bootcamp last night...

first time in since i was pregnant with carter & didn't know i was.

i pumped myself up with a protein shake & some loud carrie underwood while i drove towards my death...

i was scared.

but..

i got through it without vomiting...

i left feeling really good.

i felt refreshed & it felt so good to do something that was so good for me!

Bootcamp is all for me.

though i am sore today...

i am looking forward to getting my butt kicked again wednesday.

this is a promise to myself...

i will be tiny again some day.

only tummy scares will be left from my children...

the unhealthy fat & out of shape Dana will be gone.

it's my birthday...i feel 30

today i am 26.

my dad said to me

"you have more than most 26 year olds, people your age are usually still partying!"

i told him i could never imagine that.

i would be very unhappy with my life.

at 26 i am a mother of three & most of the time love my life.

no birthday celebrations today...

today we are off to mason's first "play therapy" at children's hospital.

dr. blank, here we come.

so happy birthday to me.

A good day.

today was a good day.

mason & carter got to see an ot (occupational therapist) today.

we have seen a few before...

they have sucked.

this new ot kim...

she rocks my world.

kim just gets it.

she knows.

she sees.

carter promises to be an adventure.

we are setting up a plan...

to teach him to eat more at one time & during the day time.

night is for sleeping...

doesn't he know that?

mason is a whole other competition.

one of whom most bow out of.

the objective to great...

the unknowns to unknown...

the unsung hero?

i hope its kim.

we talked & talked & fed the boys all different foods.

carter did really well...

mason did pretty well & then drooled for hours.

that means he aspirated some thing.

stupid silent aspiration.

kim has given a promise of a plan to do something...

to help in some way.

kim was also shocked at the fact we had no funding.

why if everyone so shocked can't the G be shocked into helping us?

media here we come...

this summer is our summer.

for once i feel some hope again...

some hope that one day my little boy might eat real food!

not need a tube to meet his nutritional needs.

we changed mason's tube yesterday...

mason~ "bye-bye tubie"

mommy~ "hello new tubie"

one day i hope it will really go bye-bye.

along with all the:

feeding bags...

feeding pumps...

syringes...

mic-key buttons..

nebulizers...

meds....

oh the list could go on.

our house is a pharmacy.

in fact the pharmacy we go to knows when we are pulling into the parking lot.

i am on first name basis & they know what i want before i even open my mouth.

i have hope today...

more than most days.

i will let you know her plan for mason when i have it.

prob in 2 weeks when we see her again.

kim you better be my rockstar ot...

i need you to be.

no pressure!