The results are in...

my son doesn't have Autism.

it's great news that comes with a different burden.

Mason does have:

1- Sensory Integration disorder

-he will have a full screening done next week to see how affected he is.

2. Probable Oppositional Defiant Disorder

-they say he has it, but too young to label him with it.

3. Probable Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

-they say Mason has this, especially with the severity of his symptoms at age 2. However we have to decide whether we would like this label now or wait?

Mason has alot of the symptoms of Autism...

but is able to fully function when he would like/is able to.

kinda.

The reason he can have similar symptoms of Autism is due to the severity of his SID.

Mason will need the same therapy as a child with Autism...

it just won't be funded.

Therefore he will not be receiving it...

at this point.

I will have to start begging everywhere for funding again.

The team has given us some recommendations & has given us ideas of what we need to do to get help.

& they believe we are going to need help,

"Mason is not a child that you can't make a mistake with."

Great no pressure!

It is a scary idea...

we will be thinking about it.

So, yes we are thrilled that Mason doesn't have Autism, a life long disorder...

he just has other life long disorders that he won't be able to get the proper help for.

It seems that this "health care" system is failing us in every way possible.

I will be contacting some places today to see if we can get help.

Thank you for your prayers & support through this testing.

It has been hard & we are glad to have some answers, however "probable" they have to maintain for now.

Tomorrow is the day...

tomorrow could change everything.

so our appointment is tomorrow.

you know the one where we find out what the autism center thinks of mason.

the one where they tell me about who my son is...

where they explain why my son is the way he is.

the one that could change everything for the rest of our lives & mason's.

what do i hope to gain tomorrow?

i do not want them to tell me my son has autism.

i don't know if he does?

unless...he does?

the spectrum is so broad.

would it help?

unfortunatly yes.

why you ask?

because the only thing that has been said to us thus far in mason's life is...

"he needs this therapy, but he doesn't qualify."

i don't understand if he needs it why he doesn't qualify...

but that's our government.

if mason were to fit in one of the autism "boxes"

he would qualify for for funding for his g-tube supplies & for the therapy he needs.

yes the amount of therapies he needs will not be covered...

but something is better than nothing.

wouldn't it?

but he would have a label for the rest of his life.

OY.

my tummy is nervous!!!

will be blogging tomorrow to let you know what they said.

10 things i could & couldn't live without.

Part 2: Mason

i am sitting here perplexed.

i love my boys...

but my i am fed up with them.

i have been working on part 2: Mason for two days.

i can't do it b/c every time i sit down to do it, i get annoyed, angry, & really fed up.

m is running our lives right now.

j is doing anything bad that causes him to get attention.

the past two weeks have been so tiring & there is still tons to do.

tons to unpack & organize, it's eating at me.

m has been disgustingly aweful & violent these past couple days.

it has taken everything in my power to not hit him back.

i am sick of the other boys taking his brunt & i don't want my own child to hit me anymore.

he & i need help.

i am praying that on monday the specialists that we have be meeting with will be able to give us some insight.

i don't know what to do with a just two year old who is violent?

throws toys, bites, kicks, scratches & has several tantrums a day...

& all without warning & without provoking?

he needs to be kept away from everyone to have a good day.

this is impossible.

it is not right.

i feel like penning him away from the other children.

it is not right.

right now he just smashed a car into j's head & bite c within 3 mins.

he is now having time out in his bedroom.

OY!

he can be so good when we are outside & he has all my attention...

or when there is no j or c.

i am dumb founded...

some people think it's so easy...

"just do this"

yeah, ok...

you come try it.

BEDTIME could not come quick enough tonight...

i know that the morning will come way before i am ready for it.

the boys are getting up between 5-6 am.

OY...

is all i can say.

dear Lord,

please bring answers & a way to bring them to action our lives...

to set in action what needs to happen.

life isn't supposed to be like this.

m is suffering & so are we.

i want to b happy...

to enjoy my days with my children.

Lord, i am jealous of those who do not struggle like me.

i am struggling in all aspects of my life.

i cannot do this alone any more.

sincerely, Dana

It's a love/hate thing...

10 things i could & couldn't live without.

Part 1: Joshua

1. I could live without Joshua's asthma

2. I could live without him getting up before 6am EVERY morning.

3. I could live without the way he cries, "I want daddy"...never Mommy.

4. I could live without his attitude problem" as he calls it, his anger, stamping those feet & biting his brother!

5. I could live without his picky food choices.

6. I could live without his mess spread from one end to the other end of the house.

7. I could totally live without his need to be moving at all times.

8. I could live without his deep annoyance of his brothers presence.

9. I could live without his insane need to know what's happening at least 30 mins before or heaven forbid we have melt down city.

10. I could live without his need to talk back & correct my every aspect of living at the age of 4.

yes mom, I know i used to do that too...

1. I could not live without Josh's "crazy faces" that make me laugh even when he is in trouble.

2. I could not live without his smart little brain that is teaching me so much already!

3. I could not live without his willingness to help...most of the time.

4. I could not live without his crazy stories that he shares with us daily.

5. I could not live without the fact that he eats & eats...

6. I could not live without his snuggles every once & while when Daddy's not home.

7. I could not live without his serious love for games!

8. I could not live without his caring thoughts for Mason & Carter.

9. I could not live without his need to inform me when I doing a good job.

10. I could not live without his love for Jesus Christ!

Part 2: Mason is to follow tomorrow!

my kitchen is unpacked...

it has been 7 days & a lot has happened.

so we did take the house...

& we are YES almost moved in!

tomorrow we plan to move the mattresses, couches, TV & the rest of the odds & ends.

then we are all moved in.

my kitchen is already unpacked!

nick has been on holidays since monday & it is our anniversary on sat...

if we are all moved in we could go for dinner?

6 years married & almost 10 years together...

& three boys...

WOW!

josh has not been handling the move very well & has been a handful.

poor thing really doesn't deal with change very well.

there has been so much change in the past 2 years...

mason born & well mason has had issues...

carter born & had some issues to start...

3rd move...

i know

i don't blame the poor guy...

but he is driving me crazy!

we forgot him at school today...25 mins late picking him up.

mason has started his autism testing...

funny since april is autism awareness month!

he has gone through half of the testing...

cognitive, he scored 82%...smart cookie

Speech he scored 51% in understanding & delayed in expression.

(don't have the % for expression...other than "delayed")

the rest of the test will be completed on april 20th...

then we wait to hear for their results.

the way mason has been this week is exceptional...

he has never been so communicative & he is in great spirits this week...

i am praying this continues.

carter is teething this week & he has been really grumpy...

he along with m have been spending alot of time with aunty amanda...

i feel bad for a & c...

he has been so grumpy & misses his mommy.

i love his little kisses & snuggles!

he has been changing so much in the past few weeks.

he claps, waves, gets into a sitting position & army crawls.

he has also starting pulling himself up on everything.

he is feeding himself little snacks & eating whatever i am.

there is such a huge difference with how carter is as a baby compared to mason.

i am loving babyhood again...

kinda sad this is my last little baby!

no twins for me...

me...

i am good...lol

a little jealous of a certain friend of mine who is off for warm weather...

i dislike moving...

but it will be nice when we are done & living again.

my mind wonders often...

thinking about mason & what's next?

what is on my "to do" list that i haven't got done?

lots...lol!

look for my four part series coming soon!

OY!

we are about to sign on the red line.

i have given God till tomorrow at three to confirm that this house is the house.

if there are no other properties out there for us by then we will sign on the red line.

it's one year.

the house is gorgeous & we need a place to live.

it will feel good tomorrow to learn where we are going to live for the next year.

we had some very informative appointments in the past week.

today we met with the new ot-kim & the new speech pathologist.

these therapists are going to work with us for as long as they can.

kim went over the sensory profile with us...

mason has been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder...

he has been scored to be on the high end of the disorder.

he is low registering...

meaning it takes a lot to give him feed back.

ie...

a stroke on his arm doesn't give him the normal affection it would give you & me...

he needs a tight squeeze to feel the same "good" feeling.

we have been instructed to squeeze mason's head when he acting socially acceptable at the table.

yes mason loves to have his head squeezed...lol

the problem with mason is that too much makes him flip the opposite direction...

and everything for him is too much.

so we have to learn his triggers & learn to help him feel.

we will need to invest in a weighted blanket...

this is specially made for children with Sensory ID...

it should help him sleep...

feel comforted.

these blankets run around $200...

i wish for once something wasn't a total rip off.

we are looking into specific chew toys that should help mason with his biting.

the speech said mason's words are good...

but he has poor communication skills with his words...

poor eye contact...

very little play skills...

no idea about social aspects in life.

so in the last week & a half we have two medical diagnoses for mason.

1. severe developmental oral motor dyspraxia of the swallowing function.

2. sensory integration disorder.

at this point neither of these will help get us funding...

when we figure out the bigger picture it will definitely help.

mason starts formal A testing this monday...

butterflies fill my tummy.

life feels tight these days...

a real tight squeeze...

unlike mason...

i.don't.like.it.

i am praying for answers & stability.

this family needs some stability.

i am looking for someone willing to help us put together some routines...

then put them on poster boards.

please let me know if you can help?

Decisions.

there are big ones & little ones...

this house or?

tests for mason now or?

stay with this consult team or?

is this doctor right or?

OY...

i have been stuck in stress mode...

stuck in what to we do???

the house is really nice...

but really expensive.

more rules came out of the wood work today.

yuck.

but there are no more options out there right now...

where are all the rentals at?

i hate having to rent.

ugg.

then there's...

mason.

what do we do?

some days are so good...

some days are so bad.

do we wait all this "mason" out for another year?

or do we pay now & find out how to help him?

if so...

how do we pay for it?

pewww...

my head is spinning...

what do we pack?

how should we pack it?

.....

.........

.............

AHHHHHH!!!!

i am trusting...

i am having faith...

tonight i will pray.

~I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.~

~Psalm 34:4~

i am believing in this verse tonight...

there will be answers.

i will seek them...

i will have confirmations.

just leaning in faith.

we need money!!!

homeless.

so we have to be out of our current house on april 31, 2010...

we thought we had place to rent.

we checked it out after the last tenant left...

it was way worse than we thought.

so no house.

then we were offered another place...

a very nice place.

the problem it's a tad over our budget...

and it's not perfect.

no pets allowed...

which is aweful.

BUT

it.is.beautiful.

it's 3000 square feet...HUGE...

it's a bit of a funny layout.

it's got a huge side yard...

there are people in the basement.

it has a walk in pantry...

it's over our budget.

it's down the street from my parents...

it's really open...

I hate open concepts.

but it would work really well for Mason.

oy...

what happens if we loose some of the money coming in???

money we count on?

But it could work really well.

SO CONFUSED...

...