April 23, 2010

10 things i could & couldn't live without.
Part 2: Mason

i am sitting here perplexed.
i love my boys...
but my i am fed up with them.
i have been working on part 2: Mason for two days.
i can't do it b/c every time i sit down to do it, i get annoyed, angry, & really fed up.
m is running our lives right now.
j is doing anything bad that causes him to get attention.
the past two weeks have been so tiring & there is still tons to do.
tons to unpack & organize, it's eating at me.
m has been disgustingly aweful & violent these past couple days.
it has taken everything in my power to not hit him back.
i am sick of the other boys taking his brunt & i don't want my own child to hit me anymore.
he & i need help.
i am praying that on monday the specialists that we have be meeting with will be able to give us some insight.
i don't know what to do with a just two year old who is violent?
throws toys, bites, kicks, scratches & has several tantrums a day...
& all without warning & without provoking?
he needs to be kept away from everyone to have a good day.
this is impossible.
it is not right.
i feel like penning him away from the other children.
it is not right.
right now he just smashed a car into j's head & bite c within 3 mins.
he is now having time out in his bedroom.

he can be so good when we are outside & he has all my attention...
or when there is no j or c.
i am dumb founded...
some people think it's so easy...
"just do this"
yeah, ok...
you come try it.

BEDTIME could not come quick enough tonight...
i know that the morning will come way before i am ready for it.
the boys are getting up between 5-6 am.
is all i can say.

dear Lord,
please bring answers & a way to bring them to action our lives...
to set in action what needs to happen.
life isn't supposed to be like this.
m is suffering & so are we.
i want to b happy...
to enjoy my days with my children.
Lord, i am jealous of those who do not struggle like me.
i am struggling in all aspects of my life.
i cannot do this alone any more.
sincerely, Dana

1 comment:

  1. I am praying for you. looking for a house, moving, dealing with the testing, aunt flo, and constantly having to be on for the kids is draining. Until you get a good night sleep and a break you are going to be spinning in circles. I know you can't see it right now, but it will get better. I just wish I had the exact date to give you. Dana cut yourself some slack. After the kids are in bed at least take a 30 minute lay on the bed break with a magazine or the radio and don't think of the crappy list of stuff you have to get done. JUST BE IN THE HAPPY MOMENT and bring some pieces of chocolate with you!