October 30, 2010

A letter to two very special women.

I was very touched meeting both of you very beautiful woman. 
The grace that you woman have was heart changing for me.
 My heart has been so broken for you. 
This sucks, it's awful and at times I want to yell for you.
 (You know what I mean)
I have sobbed for both of you.
I understand it is part of his plans.
Both of these babies have done so much for his kingdom through both of you in such a short time. 

Judgement is not ours to give.
I have learned alot about judgement in the last 31 months. 
My son was born with Special needs, we are blessed to be still fighting. 
Most have walked away from us, most have judged us for his actions.
 It has been said in more ways then one, I am a horrible mother.
 I have been judged for my own actions, and lack of actions. 
Every time I go out with my son we are judged.
 People stare, give dirty looks, whisper to each, shake their heads at me and I have even been told to"just keep him at home". 

Judgement is an awful creature. 

This past weekend has given me courage.
These woman do not judge me or my son. 
There are people who grieve with you and for you. 
There are so many types of grief and so many forms it can take.
 It took me until recently to realize I have been grieving. 
I had been grieving for what I had dreamed for Mason.
I had been grieving for what our family has been through and will continue to go through.
Grieving for losing who my son once was.

I feel so blessed to have Mason.
Blessed to have him here with me, no matter the situation.
God knows & God heals.
God is amazing.

I feel selfish having gotten so much from 24 hours, when I went to give.
Again, I am sure it's part of his plans.

I feel awful saying I had been grieving for my son when he is still alive, when others have lost.
But I know these women will not judge me. 

I have my son, I need to make the most of our situation.
I need to find myself again.
I think I am on my way.

Please pray for these two women.
They are so graceful in their grief, and there is no other way to feel peace but from God.
Their lives will never be the same and hopefully neither will mine.
I leave this weekend feeling touched.
Thank you.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. 
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
~Psalm 18:2~


  1. my dear...i think you know I'm going to say this, but i'm going to say it anyways...

    you are not being selfish for grieving for Mason. You lost the "normal" childhood and parenting that you had dreamed for. There is no selfishness in grieving for that.

    i can tell just in our short time together, that you are a great, strong, and courageous mama. don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

    much love to you my friend! :o)

  2. Dana, you have been through so much. I was telling Jill I feel like I've been on the motherhood equivalent of a sprint and you're on your 37th marathon.

    You have every right to grieve. You've fought and you've fought, you've been judged and misunderstood. Mason has been judged and misunderstood. And you're still there, fighting. Beautifully, I might add.

    Thank you for lending us your ears and your courage, for encouraging and inspiring.

    Much love,