October 5, 2010

My Children are driving me Nutbar!

This last week has been a really tough week.

Mason has been awful.
Full blown meltdowns, filled with so much anger. 
The meltdowns have been one on top of another.
They have all been over changes.
We have to change his diaper...
change his clothes...
we changed his Pump rate...
We are now picking up Josh at 2:50 instead of 11:45.
This week has been really tough on all of us. 
I just want Mason to be happy. 
Maybe we could all be happy then.

I am so behind on everything.
I have so much paperwork to fill out and letters to write.
I am supposed to email the OT & fax the Dr. and......and.....
It was all supposed to be done weeks ago.

My house is digusting.
I have not cleaned my bathrooms, or washed the walls or the cupboards or...
And it shows.
The anxiety this brings me is deep.

Carter is still not eating properly...
But he did do really well at dinner. 
Still waiting for a date for his feeding study.

Josh has been getting time outs at school.
Today he threw a rock at a kids head at recess.

Seriously, how does one handle all this.
I am tired and it shows.

I have lost my organization.
I have lost my positive vibe.
I have lost my marbles. 
~I cry laugh when I read this~

I can no longer fight of PPD without help.
Life is just too much right now.

I feel guilty about it.
But then I ask myself who could handle all this?
I have been holding it together for quite awhile. 
Nick says life is really hard right now.
He is so beyond right.
I don't think it ever has been this hard before.

We are still waiting for Genetics to come back...
still waiting for Dr. app. to continue the Autism Diagnose...
and still waiting for a date for Carter's feeding study.

Carter had his hearing tested today.
We were hoping the surgery would help.
It did do something.
But Carter's hearing is still not optimal.
Seems he will need to be watched and will probably need Speech Therapy.
If it doesn't optimize?
Carter will have his hearing checked every 1-3 months for now.

Life sucks sometimes.
Today is one of those days.
Tomorrow I hope will be better.

I know that one day we will look back and know how hard it was.
I hope we will look back and be able to smile that we made it.

Cause I need hope.

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